A Piece in My Mind

All Aboard the Anxiety Train to Crazyville

I had my annual appointment with my doctor this morning. All the physical stuff went well. We talked about the Paxil that I've been on for a year now. She had oringally prescribed 20mg, but I wasn't dreaming on that so I was taking 10 mg instead. A few weeks back I was feeling really stressed so I tried the 20mg again since she said I could try it again if I wanted. Things have been somewhat better and I've even noticed a difference since I went up again to the 20. I still have a hard time talking to people I don't know very well, but at least I can leave the house alone again without feeling like the world was caving in on me. We talked about how things are better, but with the wedding coming up I am still a lot more anxious then I would ideally like to be. I don't know if it's a normal amount or not, but when people look at you like you're nuts I figure it's not. She told me I can go up 30 mg in a couple weeks if the 20 isn't helping enough and of coarse to make sure 30 doesn't sadate me too much. I also told her about my performance anxiety for the big day so she gave me a prescription for vallium, yes that's right vallium! That way I have it for the day just in case. She wants me to try it before then too, once again to make sure it doesn't sadate me so much that I won't know what's going on. That would be a bad way to spend my wedding day. I could have used it yesterday, I had a nice little panic attack and that was just because I have my practice hair do next week.

Man I wish I could handle stress better. I'm sure it's genetic though because both my parents are the same way. I mostly got the social anxiety disorder from my mom and they both have general anxiety problems. I hate having to use a pill to keep myself well, but it's better than becoming a shut-in or just feeling crazy all the time.

Marty actually can keep me pretty calm when I'm around him. Of course it's also worse at work because I'm not getting anything done that needs to be done, but I sure do think about it.

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day
-Sarah McLachlan "Push"

posted by Ziese52 @ 2:11 PM