All Aboard the Anxiety Train to Crazyville
I had my annual appointment with my doctor this morning. All the physical stuff went well. We talked about the Paxil that I've been on for a year now. She had oringally prescribed 20mg, but I wasn't dreaming on that so I was taking 10 mg instead. A few weeks back I was feeling really stressed so I tried the 20mg again since she said I could try it again if I wanted. Things have been somewhat better and I've even noticed a difference since I went up again to the 20. I still have a hard time talking to people I don't know very well, but at least I can leave the house alone again without feeling like the world was caving in on me. We talked about how things are better, but with the wedding coming up I am still a lot more anxious then I would ideally like to be. I don't know if it's a normal amount or not, but when people look at you like you're nuts I figure it's not. She told me I can go up 30 mg in a couple weeks if the 20 isn't helping enough and of coarse to make sure 30 doesn't sadate me too much. I also told her about my performance anxiety for the big day so she gave me a prescription for vallium, yes that's right vallium! That way I have it for the day just in case. She wants me to try it before then too, once again to make sure it doesn't sadate me so much that I won't know what's going on. That would be a bad way to spend my wedding day. I could have used it yesterday, I had a nice little panic attack and that was just because I have my practice hair do next week.
Man I wish I could handle stress better. I'm sure it's genetic though because both my parents are the same way. I mostly got the social anxiety disorder from my mom and they both have general anxiety problems. I hate having to use a pill to keep myself well, but it's better than becoming a shut-in or just feeling crazy all the time.
Marty actually can keep me pretty calm when I'm around him. Of course it's also worse at work because I'm not getting anything done that needs to be done, but I sure do think about it.
Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me There are times I cant decide when I cant tell up from down You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day
-Sarah McLachlan "Push"
Stressed
Well, I'm feeling the stress today. I have so much to do this week and so little time. Two of the four full time people at my store are gone the rest of the week which means I can't leave early despite having all my work done. There just aren't enough hours in the evening. My first problem is i decided to do tab curtains in the kitchen and they take like 3 times as long to sew. I finally finished one of the four planels last night and I was supposed to give my mom back her sewing machine last weekend, but I wasn't done so I told her this next weekend. Second, we borrowed two video cameras for my bridal shower so I could do a video for Liz since she couldn't be there. SO that means lots of editing so the two mesh together nicely. I'm hoping she'll be feeling up to it and I'll go visit her and little Miss Ella on Sunday on my way back from Point. Which would mean I'd have to get that done too. Now my mom didn't get to do a scrapbook page for me at my shower, so we were going to do that Saturday night, but Patty wants to have a little party. So, I am hoping to get out early on Friday so I can go to Point and my mom and I can do pages Friday night instead, but I have to find out if one of the part timers can come in early and if so when, ahhhhh!!!!
I know I'll be able to get all the wedding projects done at this point, but I'm not sure about getting the house clean and organized. It just seems like so much to do in so little time. 5.5 weeks to go!!!!
Bridal Shower and Weekend
This past weekend was my bridal shower. My mom and Gwyn came together Friday night. Due to some prescription insanity they didn't get here until after 7. We had to hurry out of the house to get to Hobby Lobby before they closed at 8. We needed more plain paper. Liz had sent a lot of fancy stuff with my mom, but we need basics too and an embossing gun. Hobby Lobby didn't have the best selection on paper so we rushed over to a scrapbooking shop not too far from there and got in the door 5 minutes before they were closing. They had a ton of great stuff. We also went to Micheal's which luckily stays open until 9. I think we got ink or something there, that I don't really remember, it was such a blur. We then had to drive down to the south side Walgreens to finish the prescription insanity and finally got home at nearly 9. Fortunately I had called Marty from Walgreens so he had dinner almost ready so we all ate before we starved to death. By this point my mom was tired so she went to bed while Gwyn and I went to Festival Foods to pick up the stuff to make sweet salad. We got back and made that. There were issues with getting the cool-whip to melt, but Gwyn suggested whisking it, and that worked. I think it was close to 1:00 by the time we got to bed. I couldn't sleep so I got up and made a veil, tiara and bouquet for my bride bear.
Saturday was an early morning. I woke up an hour before my alarm because I was so excited. My mom was already up. We worked on getting ready and getting everything around. Marty's friend Tonya dropped off the shower cake. She did a practice run for the wedding cake by doing the swirl hearts on the sides. It turned out beautifully. Then we ran to Micheal's again because I realized I had gotten clear embossing ink instead of silver. Turns out the silver is really hard to find so we went with silver powder instead. We then rushed to Festival to pick up all the food and a few other estensals. Finally back to house to pick up everything because we didn't want the cake frosting melting in the car while we were shopping and then headed down to the hotel. While we were unloading the car I realized that it was pretty much a waste of time doing my hari and makeup that morning because the heat recked it all, fortunately I was smart and brought all that stuff with and just wore regular clothes to decorate. AT that point was when I really started to feel overwhelmed. We had tons of bags of stuff for scrapbooking and decorations and food that all needed to be put in certain places and trying to figure out how to do that was blowing my mind. Luckily my mom and Gwyn remained calm and Erika showed up shortly after we started and she was calm as well. Somehow we got everything set up with just enough time for my mom and I to change and get ready before people showed up.
My relatives all drove together and Marty's mom got there at the same time so it was a giant on solt of people. Three other people had RSVPed yes, but never showed, so including my mom and I there were only 11 people there. Which was a little disappointing, but what are you going to do? People had other plans or couldn't get off work or couldn't see driving many, many hours just for a couple hours. That's the way major events have always gone for me, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. It was hard though because I gave everyone 7 months notice in hopes they could make it. I just need to not let these things bother me. Liz ended up not being able to come. She is still really limited in modelity from the c-section and driving over 3 hours each way with a 2 week old didn't seem like the best idea for anyone. It was very weird not having her there.
We had one game, "How well d o you know the Bride?". It was a bunch of random mutiple choose questions. Some of them were hard for me to answer, so I don't know how anything esle got them right. Gwyn won with 9 correct, Erika, my cousin Nicole and my Aunt Linsey all came in with 8. Then we ate. My mom had gotten enough food to feed a small army, so we have a ton left. We won't need to cook for the next 2 weeks.
Next we did gifts. It was determined that I open too slowly and talk too much, but I was taking my time since there weren't a whole ton to open. Here's what we got.
Gwyn: Purple Heather Sheet Set and Rode/Towel Hook
Erika: Rest of the Charming Tails Bridal Party (discontinued in 2000), Cookbook Holder, Chicken Cookbook
My Mom: Scrapbook (No surprise there since I told her to get it for me)
Marty's Mom and sister: Silverware Set and Home Depot Gift Card
Grandma Mary: Personalized Cake Pan
Aunt Linsey, Uncle Phil, & Cousin Cooper: Scatagories
Aunt Shelly, Unle Brian, Cousins Nicole and Emily: George Foreman Grill
Melissa (mailed in): Wedding Anniversary Book (to fill in every year)
Patty/Joan (Sent with Gwyn): Iced Tea Maker
Grandma Elsie (who died when I was in junior high): A Towel she had crocheted a basket on
My favorite part was the scrap book project. Everyone made a page that all I have to do is come back after the wedding and add pictures to. Erika and Linsey were really the only one's that have ever done scrapbooking so it was cool that everyone else learned to do it too. I also got to teach my grandma how to emboss which I have only recently learned to do from Liz. I helped my cousin Emily make her page since she is a little too young to do it herself. My mom and I didn't get to do our pages so I think we are going to try to do our pages after Patty's shower Saturday.
Before we knew it, it was time to start cleaning up. That took almost an hour too. We video taped the whole time so Liz could experience too. Now I just have to try to get it edited and authored. We went back to the house and relaxed for a bit since we were all exhausted. We ate dinner and got the video off the camera my mom had borrowed from work. My mom went to bed and Gwyn and I worked on making the programs. We got 37 nearly done. We ended up staying up until 4 AM. Which I have since determined I am too old to do anymore.
Sunday Marty and I ran arrends and spent sometime getting the gifts homes. I worked on grouting some more, and I'm finally almost done with that!
