Clean House
My mom was here again this weekend and she helped us clean the whole house. I got rid of so much stuff it isn't even funny. I just finished up yesterday. Now we have to keep it nice.
I can't believe the wedding is Saturday!!! I have to finish up the video yet. I was going to do that yesterday, but Marty had the server down so I couldn't do it. I was none too happy, now I have extra pressure. I'm finishing up my lunch then I have like 2 things to do and then I can leave andgo work on it.
Skills Learned
Skills Learned from Planning the Wedding and Finishing Up the House Remodeling for Wedding
1. Rubber Stamping
2. Embossing
3. How to use vellum
4. Drawing up what you want to etch into glass on the computer and then printing full sheet labels makes it a lot easier
5. How to make gel candles
6. Flower arrangements should have 3 main colors
7. Scrapbooking
8. How to lay ceramic tile
9. How to make tab curtains
10. Gout is a great conductor of electricity (not a skill, but an important lesson)
11. How to make and stick to a budget
12. Throw crap away
13. Cleaning the inside of the refrigerator isn't that hard.
14. It's better to start out organized than to try and get organized later.
15. How to hand bead shoes
16. How to make a custom menu for my DVDs
17. How to make a video slide show in Premiere
18. How to make a photo mosaic
I'm sure there are more too
Top 10 Things I've Learned
Top 10 Things I've Learned From Planning My Wedding10. How to sensor yourself when you get a gift you didn't want9. Never try to address invitations when you're tired, your boss Paul becomes Paula.8. Guys really do care about some of this stuff and will help if you ask them.7. Book stuff early!6. Listen to the advice of those who have planned weddings before you, they know what they are talking about.5. You can forego playing the Sims 2 for awhile in order to get stuff done.4. Making a very personal wedding will drive you crazy and just about kill ya.3. Proof read, Proof read, Proof read the programs before printing and assembling them 125 of them2. If someone is willing to help you with a project, never critize the job they do, at least you don't have to do it all yourself.1. Everything doesn't have to be prefect!!!
I don't know what to do
I'm kind of at a loss at the moment as to what to do. there are still 10 people (5 couples) that haven't RSVPed to the wedding, well actually more never did, but I was able to guess on everyone else, you know they live half way across the country and what not. I need to get my final head count into the caterer and baker. I wanted to have them in tomorrow, but how many do I put down? My number right now is 109, so do I do 119 and then hope they actually come since I have to pay for them anyway or say 109 and hope they don't come or that someone that said they were going to doesn't? Or do I split the difference and say 114? The problem is all these people live close enough that they could possibly just show up unannounced. Marty is going to call one of them tomorrow and hopefully get an anwser, that would alleve one set of question marks? I'm leaning towards splitting the difference since the caterer will have some extra food to accommodate people with a larger appetite. I just don't want anyone going hungery, but on the other hand I don't want to through money away when we are on a relatively tight budget. Anyone that says they are going to elope and just have a reception really doesn't realize that 95% of the headaches come from the reception. The ceremony was pretty easy, pick what you want, get something to wear and a few accessories and you're good to go. I don't know it's all just crazy right now. Advice someone, PLEASE!!!
Fun
Well I never got around to talking about my "fun" Friday evening. Friday was a rough day because so many people still hadn't RSVPed on the last day. I was on the verge of a panic attack all day so I decided when I got home it would be a good time to try out the Vallium. My doctor said I could take 5-10 mg if I wanted. Being someone who caffiene is the strongst drug I use, I decided to try 2.5 mg to see how it worked. About an hour after I took it, not only had all my anxiety melted away, but I felt well, the way to describe it is high. Now I have no frame of reference for what that feels like, but I would imagine that would be how it would. I liked the lack of anxiety, but I'm not one to want to feel out of it. I was very all over the place too. I would start one thing and two seconds later be starting something else. My mom told me I seemed drunk. That is not how I want to be on the day of the wedding. I am going to try 1.25 mg between now and the wedding to see how that affects me. If it's the same I'm going to forego anything unless I'm hyper ventilating. Feeling like that is just out of the question. It seemed to slow down my brain, which is good, it was just too much. My doc said I could up the Paxil one more time, so I am going to try that instead, since that normalizes me verses stoning me
Oh You Have Got to be Kidding Me!!!
so I was looking at the programs last night to make sure I spelled everyone's name right on the place cards and realized i made a huge error. I put Marty's cousin down as Ben Lecy and he's Ben Fink! So now this is a pretty big error and really needs to be fixed. I think I'm going to scream!!!
Sadness
I'm feeling very sad today. We got some bad news last night. Our dear sweet neighbor, Jenny, passed away on Friday. She was in her eighties and had a heart condition along with other health problem, but she was always very chipper. She lived in the house behind us and would always come out when I was working in my garden to tell me how beautiful my flowers were and we would talk. She had been down in Indianapolis visiting one of her childern for a couple months. She was on her way back up and her heart gave out at a rest stop. They tried to chopper her into Gundersen Lutheran hostipal, but there was nothing that could have been done. The really sad part for me is she was coming back early so she could come to our wedding. She had asked her son that lives down the street if he would take her, and he was going to. She will be greatly missed.
RSVP Frustration
Well today is the last day for people to RSVP for the wedding and there are still some 67 people who haven't done so yet (If you told me in an email that are or aren't coming, I have marked you down). I'm hoping to get a lot of emails today from the knot saying people have RSVPed or that there will be many messages on the answering machine when I get home. Marty thinks if people don't RSVP we should just figure they aren't coming, but there's no way I'm doing that. It could have slipped their minds, they had 6 weeks to RSVP and I can see how they could have forgotten. What I don't understand is why people who know they are coming right away don't RSVP right away. I mean, why wait? When you could easily forget. THe nice thing about doing the phone number and website are if people remember today, I'll know today. Also Marty's family is giving us our couple's shower tomorrow so anyone in his family that hasn't responded can be asked tomorrow. I am rather anxious about the number though. I have to have the final head count to the caterer by Friday. Plus I only have enough center pieces and chairs to accommedate 130 people and right now there still could be 146 so I might have to make a couple more center pieces and reserve more chairs. Luckily I made 150 candles (24 are etched but need the gel, Mom & I are doing those tomorrow) so no worries there. I just want to know and it's driving me crazy. Today would be a good day to try out the vallium because I am rather anxious. Doing my own wedding has changed my purspective on how I RSVP for weddings. Unless I don't know about one or both of us being able to go, I'm going to RSVP right away. Now that I know what brides go through.
By the way, I'm checking my email every 5 minutes to see if anyone RSVPed.
So Much
It amazes me all the time all the little stuff that still needs to be taken care of for the wedding. I had my practice hair appointment and first gown fitting last night. It was cool to have my hair all done and see it with the dress. We have a couple changes for the hair. We're going to do it a little higher and do a suttle part like I had for Erika's wedding. The tiara looked funny with a real obvious part. The lady doing my hair said the funniest thing to me after about an hour of talking to her while she was working. I said something about being a real high stress person and she said I didn't strike her as a high stress person. I thought she was being sarcastic, but she wasn't. I guess the drugs must really be working because in the past people have noticed this about me after about 5 minutes of talking to me. So, it was strange, but good. Made me laugh too. After the fitting I went home. Half an hour, 4 rubberbands and 47 bobby pins later I had my hair down.
After having some dinner I wrapped the gifts for the ladies in the wedding party. I did some little embossing on the paper, to which I know you thinking, "why are you expending so much energy on something that doesn't matter?" Well, it actually only took 5 minutes pre-package, which is probably how long it would have taken to make a nice bow.
Anyway, back to the point. I keep thinking of little things that need to get done, like wrapping the gifts and I have to buy panty hose. A whole bunch of little crap that I all of a sudden realize still needs to be done. I'm feeling good though, stuff is getting done. My mom is coming this weekend for the couple's shower Marty's family is giving us and she is going to stay to help with stuff. Then the following weekend, the last weekend, will be spent cleaning and finishing crap. She offered to come for that too and I of course said OKAY! If anyone else wants to come that weekend too that would be awesome! You wouldn't think it would take that long to clean a house, but it really does and the house needs a real good cleaning. I'm working on keeping things clean once I get them clean, so hopefully this will be a great start to that end.
Oh and we picked our first dance song. I gave Marty a bunch to choose from without telling him who sang them and he picked "Face of Love" by Jewel.
Bachelorette Party
Hey All,
I'm back!!! It's been, what 5 days with no posts? Crazy, so unlike me.
This weekend was my bachelorette party. I knew I was going to be gone so I utilized my time and finished all my stuff in the kitchen Friday night/ Saturday morning. So Erika and I had lunch at like noon and then we took off. We arrive in Wisconsin Dells at like 1:30. Liz and Gwyn joined up to drive together and were supposed to get there at about 2. They had all kinds of delays including exploding cans of pop and very bad driving directions so they didn't get there until 3:30. So Erika and I killed time doing some shopping and mostly just sitting around talking. We were on a wood bench so my butt fell asleep a couple times, but other than that it wasn't too bad waiting. Once they arrived we began playing mini golf. They took me to Pirates Cove Adventure Golf, which is this huge mini golf attraction. There are three different courses, one easy, one medium, and one difficult. Being adults and all we went for meduim difficulty. The first couple holes were medium I'd say, but then we hit one of those that you have to hit the ball part way up, but not so hard that it comes back down. There were several groups ahead of us because no one understood the 6 stroke maxium. So we were able to watch techniques and when it was finally our turns we actually did pretty well. We did 18 holes and had a good time. I did terribly I kept getting to the 6 hits and I hit it off of the coarse a couple times.
After that we went took off to the hotel with was a ways from downtown. We got there and got checked in. Liz is breast feeding so she had to pump. Erika, Gwyn and I walked down to a gas station and got some more pop. Between the gas station and the hotel there was an Uno's Chicago Eatery. They had a menu outside so we took a look and decided to eat there. We got Liz and went to eat. They had me wear a veil along with the shirt that said Bride on it. I was kind of disappointed because no one at the restruart said said anything about it. We went back to the hotel and they gave me gifts. It was so funny, Erika and Liz both got me night gowns and they both got me exactly the same one. I won't go into the other gift from Erika, but to say it made me laugh for a good 15 minutes. We played some games. Uno, Ponce, and some other games, some were very interesting. Erika and Liz fell asleep at about 11 and Gwyn and I went out into a secluded part of the hall and talked until 5 AM. When I finally did go to bed I slept with Erika and without going into it there was so much resltessness on her part that I got up at 8 because I couldn't take it anymore. Once everyone else was up we checked out and went to IHOP for breakfast. Man I love IHOP, yummmm...stuffed french toast. Then sadly it was time to part ways and Erika brought me back to La Crosse. It was a lot of fun, just too short like all weekends anymore. I went to bed at 7:30 Sunday because I was so tired. I'm starting to feel more awake finally. Anyway I should end this so it isn't too long.
Headache
Well I'm not feeling the best today. I went home yesterday and took a nap, which would have been very nice except that I woke up feeling all weird. You know that weird feeling like you woke up at the wrong time. My heart was just pounding and my head felt all funny. So I did a few things then I watched the Packer game, throw out a whole bunch of stuff then I went to bed, hoping sleeping again would fix my head. Well it might have except that I woke up at like 5 this morning then my brain just started going. It decided it was time to figure out the schedule for the wedding day. So it got that all sorted out and I fell back asleep forgetting the plan I lost sleep over. So then I sent the rest of the morning until it was time to get up in a state of half awake thinking about crap. So I'm really tired and my head hurts. I'm trying to not have caffine as much as possible because the pop has so much sodium that I get all blooty. I know the one week I went without pop entirely I lost like 5 lbs and I'm sure it was water weight. So no pop yesterday or today. I'm sure I'll have tons at my bachelorette party tomorrow, but at least I'll be awake and in good spirits. I'm rather crabby today due to being sleeply.
Withdrawl
My Sims 2 withdrawl continues. I found myself playing Freecell the last couple nights. What's with that? I mean I like Freecell, it was one of my addictions during college, but I don't play it anymore, not really at least. I went to my computer saw I had no email so instead of getting up and going to bed I had to waste 15 minutes playing. Maybe I don't intellectually stimulated right now. Work is boring to say the least and perhaps the sims 2 is a good little exercise for my brain. Now I know you're saying, "How is a game where you tell little fake people to eat, sleep, and pee intellectually stimulating?" Well, if you've never played the Sims 2, it's a lot more complicated than that. Plus I usually have at least 6 sims in a household, and at least one is a toddler. So trust me, trying to manage that many sims is intellectually stimulating. Most of what I'm doing around the house has been more on the physical side and so my poor brain is feeling flabby. Maybe that's why I've been so tired lately. I mean tiling a counter top & back splash has it's intellectual parts, there is measuring and whatnot, but then you put down the thinset and the spacers and blah blah blah. It's like walking a block and then taking a ten minute break, then walking another block and so on. Don't get me wrong, tiling was far from my least favorite remodeling project, at least it was satisfying in the end. Anyway, so I'm craving something to stimulate my brain...please!!!
Video
Well I've on the video of pictures of Marty and I growing up for the wedding. I'm almost done, just a few more hours to put in. So after I got the pictures from me growing up in order and set with effects where appropriate I decided to watch it through in order to make sure everything made sense. Now keep in mind that I don't even have the music added in yet, but I got very weepy. It's strange because they were happy pictures, mostly with my family for the earlier years then more and more with friends the older I got. It was interesting to look at the pictures and see who I was with and who had their arms around me. The really strange thing was I had borrowed a bunch of pictures from Gwyn to scan in and use and I didn't even remember a lot of these events happening. Or more precisely not to remember things that happened at events. Like at Kimmie's graduation party. I apparently spent most of it sitting around playing old school Nintendo, which until I saw the pictures I had no reckolection of doing whatsoever. I just remember the things that I had pictures of happening. They say a picture is worth a thousand, but apparently it's worth a whole lot more to me. There are very few good things in my life that I remeber that I don't have any pictures of. My brain stores the info because once i see the pictures I remember it happening after a little while, but without the visual assistance the door's looked. I feel really bad about one instance in particual. That is Gwyn said the first tiem she and I ever really did anything, basically just the two of us was when my mom, Gwyn and I went to the Waupaca Show together. Now I vaguely remember going, I know my basket I wove was in it, but I don't remember anyone else going with, including my mom by the way. This was obviously a meaningful event for her because she remembers it what 10 years later. Apparently a deer tried to hit us too, which you'd think I would remember due to my track recond, but I don't at all. If I'm having this much trouble remembering stuff at 26, what's it going to be like when I'm 40? I guess I'll just have to have a camera with me at all times and annoy people even more.
How do you keep your heart from breaking everytime someone says they aren't coming to your wedding?
Sims
Okay, so this is pretty sad, but I miss my Sims. I've been very good about not playing. I've only played 3 hours in the past 4 weeks. Normally I could do that in an evening easily! I really must be a Simaholic. I crave playing. It's strange to miss something that isn't real. And people wonder why I don't drink... see I get addicted to a video game and there are far less negative reprocussions from playing a game. It's funny to get attached to characters on a screen, but if you think about I get attached to TV and movie characters and I spend far less time with them. Plus I can't control those charactors verses in the sims 2 I tell them who to love and when to try to have childern, what job to have and when to study. Everyone at work laughs at me, but I don't care. I'm even upset when they die except Ricky... man I hated that guy. I of course name them after people I know in real life too, which makes it harder to let them die. I do think it's funny when I use people's real astrological signs and then I can't get them to fall in love with their real life spouces. I have started to make them not quite so true to life. In the Royal Kingdom Challenge there is a Gwynndolynn, a Shaun, a Kimberly, a William, a Patricia, a Rachel, and a Marty and there are many others in other neighborhoods. The only one that I really can't seem to let do whatever is the Rachel. The King is a romance Sim and so he is woohooing with most the ladies in the kingdom. I want him to start up with Rachel, be she is married to Marty. I must let go of the control! Anyway, I really want to play just a little, but I won't let myself because the wedding is so close now. Yes, we're getting stuff done, but until it's all done I must be strong.
Why did Rachel disappear?
Well Hi All,
I hope someone is actually reading this and I'm not just sending this stuff out to the universe for nothing. So some people have probably been wondering what happened to me, why I disappeared for such a long time. And it's funny to me because it's not like it happened one day, not like I woke up and decided that I was going to seclude myself. If you know me well enough to actually care to read this, then you probably know about the mental illness issues I had in high school and part of college. Well, I haven't had problems with depression for quite some time now, which is great of course. Everything was fine right after graduation. Marty and I moved into a duplex and I was able to get everything a place. We had lots of free time and everything was good. The house was almost always clean or at leasted on a regular basis.
Well, then about a year later we bought a house and that's when things started to fall apart. If you know me at all, you know that my... hummm... quirks come out more the more stressed I am. There were so many projects to do to update the house that I was never really able to find homes for things and stuff just piled up. My OCD overwhelmed me to the point of in-action. I actually didn't realize until recently that was what the problem was until I was watching Oprah one day and there was a woman on there about a hundred times worse than me. She couldn't find the prefect place for anything so she just left stuff everywhere. Then the piles overwhelmed her and she couldn't figure out where to start. Also she was so wrapped up in whether she would need something someday again that she couldn't get rid of stuff. I said, "that's my problem!" With having so many rooms being remodeled I couldn't put things where they went so they ended being in the wrong rooms cluttering them up too. Of course finally knowing the reason helped me. I realized that was why the kitchen had been sitting in utter disrepair for nearly 3 years. If I couldn't do it perfectly I couldn't do it at all. The sanding of the cabinets was such a dissapointment that I couldn't pick up the sander anymore (stupid vinnear). It was Very hard for me to come to the invitial conclusion that they weren't going to work vanished because the sanding had gone through the vinnear in some places so painting was the only option. I am glad now that I did finally act. The room is so close to being done and it's beautiful. Clean Sweep is also very theroputic for me as well.
Now my other problem is harder to pin point when it started. I've never liked calling people on the phone that I don't know. My one professor in college used to make me call people and ask for art donations to try to get me over it, but it didn't work. I was never one to speak up in class or in front of a group, it was just too terrifing. At some point I got to where I wouldn't even call people that I do know. Now I've always had problems with anxiety, at least for as long as I can remember. They definately got worse after I got engagement, just with everything that had to be done. So that added to my stress which added to everything else. I mean I was having panic attacks over a year ahead of time. Then a little over a year ago I realized something that was really quite scarey. I was having a really hard time leaving myself house by myself unless I was going to work. If I was in a store and someone else was in the aisle I needed to go down I would wait for them to leave before I would go down it. I was in my friend Erika's Wedding last summer and she had the ladies walk up the aisle by themselves. I was so frightened that I almost didn't go. The minister had to ask me if I was okay because I was shaking so much. I realized that this had happened very slowly, but it had come to a point of descision. Either I could continue going the way I was and get to the point that I was basically a shut in or I could go in to see my doctor. I went to my doctor because that was not the way I wanted to live. She put me on Paxil which helped some. I was only able to take half of what she wanted me too because it was messing with my sleep. So it helped, but not as much as I wanted. She told me I could try going up again at anytime that I thought I needed it. About a month ago I did. It's so strange, maybe not, but I've noticed such a difference. I will actually talk to cashiers and have a little conversation. I'm not nervous when I talked to my friends anymore. I would get nervous or anxious to talk to Liz and Erika. What's with that? Anyway things are getting better. The more I get accomplished in the house and for the wedding the less anxious I feel.
I don't like the fact that I have to take a drug to feel normal, but if it's between taking something so I feel normal or not and feeling the way I did... I'll pick the drugs everytime. So now that you all think I'm completely crazy, I should go.
Yep Me Again
Yes this is my second post today. The last one was so long I didn't think it was a good idea to keep going.
So I finished the programs for the wedding last night!!! I'm very excited, checked lose puppies right off the list. Special thanks go out to my friends Gwyn and Tara and my mom. Without them I would be working on them until the day before the wedding. They turned out really nice. They are however the longest wedding programs in the history of mankind! They are 6" x 6" so the pages are letter page folded in half, trimed to fit, printed front and back. There are 16 small pages. We wrote a little something about everyone standing up in the wedding, the story of how we met and how he proposed, then there are the games. Yes, there are two games. Marty & Rachel Trivia, which I'm interested to see how Erika and Liz do at those since they were there for a lot of the stuff. I have the answers in there for that one so people can learn stuff about us if they don't know the answers. I also made up a word jumble. It's amazing what you can do for free on the internet. We've been to a lot of weddings where we pretty much just know each other, so I thought I'd give people something to do between the ceremony and dinner. I made 125 of them which I'm hoping will be enough, but not every person always gets one, a lot of times couples will share.
We have 43 people coming so far, 12 not, and 116 still to RSVP. Of course all the not coming people are my people except one that is a both. What can you do? You can't force them to come. We only invited people we really wanted there so hopefully most of those who haven't responded yet will come.
My goal was to make this the most personal wedding possible. We've gone to some that we don't really know the person that our friend is marrying and we've left knowing nothing more about the person than when we came. So, we didn't want that to happen. I think if anyone leaves without learning something about one of us, then they just aren't paying attention. I hope people enjoy everything I've done because it really has taken a lot of time and energy. I just have to finish up the video and make a few more candles and then I'll finally be done!
This Saturday is my bachelorette party! I'm excited to see what Erika has planned for me and see what she's had under her hat for what a year? She is picking me up at noon on Saturday and taking me some where. That's about all I know. You know no one has ever planned anything for me like this before. This is very cool!
Walking
I'm about to get on the treadmill for the millionth time. I walk 3 miles at a time, 5 days a week and I'm sick of it. It's just soooo boring! It seems like I only really start to see results at 6 or 7 days a week and I've been too busy to walk for an hour every single day. During the week I'm good, but the weekends never seem to pan out. My left heel is killing me right now, not sure what i did, I just know it hurts. the left ankle hurts too, that comes and goes every few weeks. I think I'm just carrying too much weight. I'm so pissed about getting pneumonia last October. I was down nearly 20lbs, but I was so sick I couldn't workout for over 3 months so I gained it all back. I think I'm down a whooping 2 lbs right now, but the seamstress is going to have to let out the waist in my wedding dress that fit me prefectly when I bought it. I'm so frustrated I could cry. Seriously do I have to walk 4 miles 5 days a week? I don't know that I could, that's a darn long ways and if I walk 6 days a week again am I going to get the house ready by the wedding?
Anyway, I've been complaingin about walking for 7 minutes now, I guess I had better start.
Old Friends
Old friends have been on my mind lately with planning the wedding and who to invite and who will actually come. When I'm speaking of old friends I'm talking about the ones that you lose touch with. The ones that nothing happened that made us stop talking. In some ways it would be easier if something had happened because then one person can chose to appologize or forgive but when nothing happened except time, it makes it harder. There are some of these friends that you see again and they aren't afraid that you are going to not want to talk to them. It's easy to get things going again because as the recipient you figure they really are happy to see you and really was just time, distance and everyday life stuff that got in the way. But if neither person knows what happened or they are both fearful that the other doesn't want to know them again, what do you do? You can't just say, "What's new?" because everything is new. You go along everyday living your life and you realize one day that you don't even know the other person any more. It was never your intention, but you wonder if it was their's. Things are strange when you see them because you don't know if they feel the same desire to get to know them again or if they are happier without you in their life.
You wonder if the other person knows the true intent behind you contacting them or if they just think you want something. Like inviting them to the wedding if they think you just want a gift. I can say in my case that is not fact. We only invited people to the wedding that we really wanted there, whether they are currently strong forces in our lives or someone we want to be strong forces. With some people I just not know how to make it not strange anymore...any ideas?
